Total Man-scaping: Successfully Changing Your Man

Once upon a gloriously idealistic time, the widely agreed-upon school of thought was that, in relationships, it’s always wiser to be accepting and loving of someone, flaws and all. This mindset has led all of us down the uneasy path of perpetual dissatisfaction and am-I-a-bitch-? self-doubt whenever we did try to inflict a little positive change in our significant others. Times were tough, my lady pals, they certainly were. Well, today we raise our glasses and kiss our sweeties to science because in December’s Current Directions in Psychological Science, an assembly of top international psychologists brings us good news.

As luck would have it, the new love assertion is that going on all sculptor on our boyfriends and husbands can actually be good for them, for us and for our relationship. Shrug. Who knew?

The key is to make sure that your ideal version of him matches up with his ideal version of himself; if the two thoughts are in sync, then you’re the positive force in his life that makes you a serious keeper and he’s more likely to actually adhere to the changes you’ve been subtly engineering. But if the alterations you want to make deviate from what he envisions of his perfect self, you’ll be seen as a nag. Seriously. That’s all. And your relationship will undoubtedly end up worse than it started.

So what’s the secret to success when it comes to total man-scaping? Patience. You have to wait until you know each other well enough to have a completely clear picture of your man; his hopes, aspirations, fears, and disappointments with himself and his life.  Big and small, you need to know it all. If after this, you love the version of him that he loves, then let the DIY man-makeover begin. Small changes, always suggestions, never command, and never make him feel berated. Being supportive, not deprecating, is the only way to go. But if you are aware and tactful enough to not try to change him into something he doesn’t want to be and manage to not come off as a nagging bitch, you might just come out of the process with a manfriend you’re much happier with…and one who’s much happier with himself.